An intentional relationship

When it comes to alcohol, I've forever had one simple rule. I never drink to alter a negative mood, only to enhance a positive one.

I grew up in the suburbs about 30 minutes outside of the big city. I never really partied in high school (I was never invited, but I was also so awkward and shy as it was). After I graduated, I continued to live at home while I went to college, working two to three jobs to pay for my tuition and start saving for life. My friends and I would go out and have a good time, but the experience of living at home while going to school meant we were naturally a bit more independent. Spending time together could mean board games in someone's basement, parking lot hangs, backyard barbeques, even a road trip to the beach. Our lives had space to develop independence and chase something else. Work on projects, follow passions. Be bad at something new. Become interesting. In our formative years, our days weren't centered on alcohol.

I'm in my early 30s and I live in the big city now. I've met a lot of people. I've heard a lot of stories about different lived experiences. And to make a long story short, it often makes me wonder why so much of what society deems 'fun' these days is focused on the goal of constantly being inebriated. To each their own, but for the amount of people that reply in shock when we're out and I tell them I'm not drinking tonight, I think it's worth noting.

The thing is, life is hard. I've experienced hard things. I was raised by parents who immigrated to a new country and had to figure out how to build a life, be accepted, raise kids who would experience a completely different childhood than their own. I've dealt with loss at a young age. I've had to face the unrelenting helplessness of having sick parents, watching them suffer. I've dealt with the panic, the anxiety, the fog that you just can't seem to dissipate no matter how hard you try until one day you realize it's lifted.

Life has a lot of hard shit. Some people are lucky to not have to face anything until they are much older, and for others it starts young and you just have to figure out how to deal. And what I'll say is that I'm grateful for the way I was raised, because it was never ingrained in me to let alcohol, or marijuana, or drugs, be an escape for a heavy mind or heart.

And so negative feelings, those of stress or sadness, or something unsettling that you just can't put your finger on—those are not rewarded with alcohol. They are rewarded with quiet. Withdrawing to think and to feel. Writing or walking. Going through it until it passes (because it will, it always does). The emotional coping mechanism of turning to alcohol never had a chance to develop in me, and I couldn't be more grateful.

Because the thing is, my life is beautiful, too. There are so many things in my life that are beyond what I could have imagined. Things as simple as having someone in your life who thinks of you whenever they see a remarkable sunset, or a guy with really good biceps. Things like parents who always want to see you, who always welcome you back to your home and celebrate surprise drop-ins as if you've been away for three months instead of three days. A sibling who knows your brain better than you, the one person in the world who you don't have to pretend around. Being fortunate to travel to new countries, to have new experiences, to watch my favorite bands night after night. Promotions and birthdays and year-end parties and warm summer nights on a patio with the best people around you.

In these moments, having a drink to enhance that bubbly feeling of contentedness is the sweet spot for me.

I'm definitely not known to shy away from a little tequila!

xx

Andie